• Start buying lottery tickets at

a luckier store. • Remember to brush teeth

with bristly end of

toothbrush. • Don't eat medicine just

because it looks like candy. • Learn what the hell

"resolution" means. • Aways replace the gas nozzle

before driving away from the

pump. • I will always "check for

paper’ when leaving the

restroom. • I will try to drive closer to the

speed limit. • I will keep an extra safe

distance when driving behind

police cars. • I will no longer waste my

time reliving the past and

instead I will spend it

worrying about the future. • will not bore my boss with the

same excuse for being late.

I will think of some more

excuses. • I will do less laundry and use

more deodorant. • I will avoid taking a bath

whenever possible and

conserve more water. • Assure my lawyer that I will

never again show up drunk at

a custody hearing. • I will give up chocolates

totally. 100%. Completely.

Honestly! • I will try to figure out why I

really need nine e-mail

addresses. • I will stop sending e-mails to

my wife (husband). • I resolve to work with

neglected children - my own. • I will spend less than one hour

a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to

estimate since I'm not a clock

watcher. • I will read the manual... just

as soon as I can find it. • I will think of a password

other than "password." • I will not tell the same story

at every get together. • Read fewer books. A little

learning is a dangerous thing.

Too much of it can really

wreck your head. • Watch more TV. Its very

educational. Catch up on all

those programs you missed down the years. • Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my pajamas. Instead, I will move

my computer into the

bedroom. • I will not ring the stewardess

button on airplanes just to get

her phone number. • I will not wet the bed and

blame it on my younger brother/sister.